So--erm yah. wrote this poemy thing... need some crit on it and figured i'd post it here. i actually wrote it about.... 2 days ago. but still.. i need some crit on it and be as harsh as you need to be.

The light is there;
Shinning dim, but
Oh so bright.
Do they know?
The pain he’s felt.
Do they understand?
The guilt his held.
The truth is dull
And I doubt they care.

Oh so dull,
A dying bulb,
Needs to be replaced,
He needs more faith;
In himself and in his life,
He needs to believe,
He needs to release;
The pain and the guilt.

The only one who,
Will listen to his prayers,
The only one,
Who was ever there,
Never seen, never heard,
But always felt.

Though His light glows bright
And his soul is tight;
Packed with grief, sorrow
And hate.

The light is dimming;
His soul is dying,
The hurt is growing.
And he is crying.

I can't be too harsh because it is actually a good poem. The only thing is that you jumped around with the rhyme scheme. You would stick to it sometimes but not always. Still a very good Free Verse poem. Good lines and nice structure. *slams a gold star sticker on Patricks forehead*

And that is why it is called a free verse my friend. But that's just me and my need for perfections. My work really isn't any better. *puts a coat of glue over he sticker*

*puts eight layers of packing tape over the sticker adn glue*

nice! I agree with the rhyming thing, btu if it was supposed to be free verse, then it was great! (and it's shining, not shinning. if you wanna get picky)

hum well it's a good poem but you said be harsh so I will try to help you out. I think you need to develop the idea more. You have only pulled the top layer off the emotion and I think you could go deeper. Just having someone be sad and and full of hate doesn't necessarily make it a deep poem. You could also work on you imagery and use poetic devices such as extended metaphors and personification could work nicely for this piece.
This emotions are a subject that seems to be put into poem form a lot so I think you could show a bit of characterization throughout it.
Don't get me wrong I still like it and the rhythm is nice but it think you could develop it more. I hope that helped.