Destiny is always there
waiting in its silant lair

It come to bite
when you you think everything is right

it tears you away
and forces you to pay

A terrible price
without thinking twice

Because it has no conscience
Neither patience



yep so this is random and really bad but I guess I did write it is one minuet, literally, whist very sleep deprived

nice! you could work on meter(?) i guess. I love your phrasing, but if it had more of a rhythm between the rhyming words, that would make it better. Don't get me wrong, it's great! I am just being finicky in case you want to improve..

talk about your toast
theres no need to boast

confusing and weird
almost always feared

candy is so sweet
so sweet it can't be beat

okay here are a couple

You left me standing in the night,
not bothering to ge me a light.

If i gave up my time,
would you give me a dime?

I once had a dream,
just to find out we weren't a team.


i hope these are good.

Yeah, they are good, all of you... I just think you should try to wrok on metre. For example, instead of saying,

The drums pound,
People in shiny beaded costumes dance round and round,

you could say,

The drumbeats pound,
Friends dance around.

It sounds better if there are either equal numbers of syllables in each line, or there is a balance between the number per line. A helpful trick is to read it out loud. If the rhyming words fall on the right beats when you say it, then you have a better grasp on the metre or your poem.

If only I wasn't a spy
then I wouldn't slowly die


I used to be pretty, exotic and new
now I'm just boring, repulsive and blue


Wow, those are kind of depressing....

nice! the first one is a bit off metrewise, but i liked the second one a lot!!