Lines not said...

Bella- "Alice is the most absurd person I've ever met."

Bella: I really need a friend right now!!!

Rosalie : I'm here for you Bella!!

*two of them hug*

carlsie-u brought a snack dinner time
Alice- dig in every1

WARNING!!!! BD SPOILERS!!! DO NOT READ IF YOU HAVEN'T READ THE BOOK!!!

Bella-Edward I'm off the charlie's. He's got guests over.
Edward-Bring one back for me ok?
Bella-*mutters* why can't i have them to myself?

Bella- Edward, will you please stop kissing me??????????????

lol /\
/ \ i like the last 2
jacob: i hate being hot i wanna be cold so i can freeze
{yea it sux i no}

(to the volturi in new moon)

bella: u know, ur really not making anyting easier for me! and its startin to piss me off!

edward: ya...but, uh...bella...i kinda thought u were dead....so

bella: oh shut up! ur still not helping either!

alice- i hate shopping why do we have to go shopping rose

Jasper: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH A SPIDER!

Emmett: *walks in room*

Jasper: EMMETT KILL THE SPIDER!!!!!!!!

lolz

rosalie: emmett, wtf? u always gotta take my spotlight!!!

emmett: don't hate me cuz i pwetty, rose!!! *runs off sobbing*

Edward: WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE I'M A BUTTERFLY!!!

bella: god edward ur such a stalker leave me alone

Jacob- "Um, Bella? I've decided to kill you and Renessemee."

bella: hay jake lets get married tomorrow
jacob: idk i think ill marry rosalie
rosalie: ok sure lets get ready

Jasper: OH MY GOD MY HAIR !!!! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO IT!

Edward: You look good with red hair.

Human Bella: I vant to suck you blood

Edward: hehe retard

Alice breathes closely to bella

Alice: I vant your blood to

Bella runs

(yea its retarded i know lol)

lolz i like it but id get it lolz.
edward: im hungry bella get into the cooking pot

Carlisle: Its' alright ladies, i'm not married... you can all get in the hot tub with me!

lolz good 1 alu

jasper: ugh im feeling hungry some1 get mike

I got one... hehe.... it's long... I got this from the comedian Eddie Izzard... everytime i hear it ... i think of carlisle.. and theres others that remind me of him! lol...

Carlisle talking about his time working under his father!

Carlisle: "Cake or death?"

Prisioner: "Eh, cake please."

Carlisle: "Very well! Give him cake!"

Prisoner: "Oh, thanks very much. It's very nice."

Carlisle: "You! Cake or death?"

Prisoner: “Uh, cake for me, too, please."

Carlisle: "Very well! Give him cake, too! We're gonna run out of cake at this rate. You! Cake or death?"

Prisoner: "Uh, death, please. No, cake! Cake! Cake, sorry. Sorry..."

Carlisle: "You said death first, uh-uh, death first!"

Prisoner: "Well, I meant cake!"

Carlisle: "Oh, all right. You're lucky I'm Church of England!" Cake or death?"

Prisoner: "Uh, cake please."

Carlisle: "Well, we're out of cake! We only had three bits and we didn't expect such a rush. So what do you want?"

Prisoner: "Well, so my choice is 'or death’? I’ll have the chicken then, please.

Carlisle: “Taste of human, sir. Would you like a white wine? There you go, thank you very much. Thank you for flying Church of England, cake or death?"

Vicar Cullen: “I asked for the vegetarian."

Carlisle: "Ah, yes, the vegetarian, yes! There we go, Father. There we go... Like a bit of wine? Thank you very much...you accusing shithead!"

Emmett is telling a story of the volturi... and he uses Aro Caius and Marcus as a reference... and... The Death Star as the location for the Volturi Castle...


Emmett: “But there must've been a Death Star canteen, yeah? There must've been a cafeteria downstairs, in between battles, where Caius Volturi could just chill and go down:

Caius: "I will have the penne all'arrabiata."

Aro: "You'll need a tray."

Caius: "Do you know who I am?"

Aro: "Do you know who I am?"

Caius: "This is not a game of who the f*ck are you. For I am Volturi, Caius Volturi, Lord Volturi. I can kill you with a single thought."

Aro: "Well, you'll still need a tray."

Caius: "No, I will not need a tray. I do not need a tray to kill you. I can kill you without a tray, with the power of the Force, which is strong within me. Even though I could kill you with a tray if I so wished. For I would hack at your neck with the thin bit until the blood flowed across the canteen floor."

Aro: "No, the food is hot. You'll need a tray to put the food on."

Caius: "Oh, I see the food is hot. I'm sorry. I did not realize. Hahahaha...Oh...tray for the....yes. I thought you were challenging me for the fight to the death."

Aro: "A fight to the death? This a canteen, I work here."

Caius: "Yes, but I am Vader. I am Lord Volturi. Everyone challenges me to a fight to the death. Lord Volturi? Caius Volturi, I'm Caius Volturi. Sir Lord Volturi? Sir Lord Caius Volturi? Lord Caius Sir Lord, Lord Volturi of Cheem? Sir Lord Baron Von Volturi Ham?
The Death Star. I run the Death Star."

Aro: "What's the Death Star?"

Caius: "This is the Death Star! You're in the Death Star! I run this star!"

Aro: "This is a star?"

Caius: "This is a f*cking star! I run it! I'm your boss."

Aro: "You're Mr. Stevens?"

Caius: "No, I'm...Who is Mr. Stevens?"

Aro: "He's Head of Catering."

Caius: "I'm not Head of Catering! I am Volturi, I can kill catering with a thought."

Aro: "What?"

Caius: "I can kill you all! I can kill me with a thought! Just...fine, I'll get a tray! F*ck it! This one's wet, and this one's wet and this one's wet. This one is wet. This one is wet. This one is wet. This one is wet. This one is wet. This one is wet. This one is wet. This one is wet. Did you dry these in a rainforest? Why, with the power of the Death Star do we not have a tray that is f*cking dry? I do not... No, no, no! I was here first!"

Marcus: "You have to form a queue if you want food. Can I have uh....Ooo, penne all'arrabiata. That'd be very nice."

Caius: "No, no, no! Do you know who I am?"

Marcus: "That's Jeff Volturi that is!"

Caius: "I am not Jeff Vader, I am Caius Volturi."

Marcus: "What? Jeff Caius runs the Death Star?"

Caius: "No, Jeff....No, I run the Death Star."

Marcus: "You Jeff Volturi?"

Caius: "No, I'm Caius Volturi."

Caius: "Are you his brother? Could you get his autograph?"

Caius: "I can't get his....No, I'm Jeff...Alright, I'm Jeff Volturi! I'm Jeff Volturi!"

Marcus: "Could I have your autograph?"

Caius: "No, f*ck off or I'll kill you with a tray! Give me penne all'arrabiata or you shall die! And you and everyone in this canteen! Death by tray it shall be!"

Aro: "Do you want peas with that?"

Caius: "Peas! You don't have peas! You can't put in right in...you can't put...it doens't work with penne! Unless you push 'em up the penne tubes and then it'd be weird! Oh alright! Put some peas in."”

*i do not own this skit is owned by Eddi Izzard

ROFLMAO!!!!!

those are amazing Alu

lolz yep they are im hopless with theese