Things that would never be said in Twilight and/or New Moon

who needs pills now

i didn't kno i needed 2 take pills ...ah well

bella: spider pigs rock

Rosalie: he's not spider pig anymore

bella: ur a meany rosalie!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Rosalie: he's Harry Plopper

bella: harry plopper u say?...i thought it was harry hopper: teh bunny rabbit

lol

Rosalie: god Bella, your so stupid!
Edward: Roses are red, violets are blue. If bella is stupid then you are, too

hahahaha

bella: hahaha urrr sttupiiidd 2 rosaliee hahaha
rosalie: shut up
edward: roses r evil violets r funny... rosalie can b bitchy bella can b a bunny?

Bella: psh... a vamp would be better
Emmett: Roses have thorns, Vilolets... do not. It's not gunna happen, so go... smoke pot?
Edward: EMMETT!!

emmett: wat?...roses r prickly...violets r dull...hey um bella?...ur purse looks like a skull...

haha wtf

bella: so what exactly happens when Jane tortures you?

edward (shudders): you really dont want to know

bella: please

edward: alright.... have you ever watched American Idol

bella: yeah i watched the season with carrie underwood but it got boring after that

edward: no have you seen the VERY beginning when they're auditioning?.... imagine the worst auditions ever...imagine william hung's singing playing over and over again....like you'll never hear normal notes again...i think it still affects my piano compositions

hahaha ROFL

bella: ::shudders:: that's horrible!
edward: u have noooo idea just how horrible it is..pure torture

lol.....

my friend and i made this up

Jane (torchuring Edward): muahahahaha......... how do u like me now????????
Edward: STOPPPPPPPPPPPPP i can't TAKE IT ANYMORE
Bella: EDWARD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Edward: (starts to smile... and laugh)
Jane: WTF...................EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW( and now she is being torchured.. just like she torchured Edward)
Bella: wat happened?
Edward: she was torchuring me in my head.... thinking to himself ...... she was undressing her self........and then when i heard ur voice... i did wat i always wanted to do...........undress u in my mind......... it backfired... and now SHHHHHEEEE IS IN TORCHURE............


(lol.....wtf???????????)

haha OMFG rofl

emmett: heyy i don't get it...seeing u undress bella in ur mind...that's all?!...well that's not torture!!!!
::edward snarls::
::emmett runs::

Edward: U BETTER RUN...... i know wat u were thinking!!!!!!!!!!
Bella::affraid:
Emmett: SORRY Bella, i couldn't help it!!!!!!
Bella: move out of the way Edward..........COME HERE EMMETT
Emmett: ohhhhhhh sh** ::runs::

bella: awww emmett wer r u gooiinggg???...i wasn't going to HURT u...i just wanted a little kisssss...::giggles::
((OMFG I WOULD SOOOOOO B MAD AT HER IF SHE EVER SAID THAT HAHA))
::emmett comes back::
emmett: ooohhh?
edward:WAT?!
::now emmett AND bella run::

Edward: do u really want Emmett... cause i won't stand in ur way
Bella: G-D i can't make u jelous EVER.... not even with ur FU***** brother!!!!!!!
Emmett: wat?????????????????????????????
Bella: u thought i wanted to kiss you??????????????? EWWWWWWWWWWWWW

emmett:
bella: awww i'm sorry...but it IS the truth...
emmett: hey doesn't rly matter 2 me...i was only crying cuz i didn't get that kiss...
bella: ooh...well hey if it makes u happy...
edward: bella wtf make up ur mind
rosalie (walks in):

Edward: BELLA!!!!!!!!!!!!
Rosale: EMMMMMMMMEEEEEEETTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Bella: (slaps Emmett.....) I LOVE EDWARD
Emmett: :affraid:
Edward:
Rosale:
Bella: Edward .........
Edward hugs Bella.... and starts laughing at Emmett!!!!!!!!

emmett:
edward: yea that's rite u deserve 2 b sad after wat u did! trying 2 steal my bella..*mumbles*
emmett:
rosalie: damn u bella! y does every1 love U if they can have ME?!?!?!?!
bella:

Bella: Because i'm the damsel in distress

Rosalie: *glare*

Edward: *shrug* it's true

Emmett: she's so soft Rose, poke her

Rosalie: ... -.- ' *pokes* OMG! SHE IS!

- Emmett and Rosalie begin poking Bella -

Bella: ok, wtf?

rosalie, jacob, bella, edward, and emmett all in a room

Rosalie: everbody i have something to say
Edward: (reads her mind) no rose you cant i wont let you
Bella: what are you talking about
Rosalie:i dont love emmett anymore
Emmett: WHAT!!!!!!!!! ROSE HOW COULD YOU!!!!!!
Rosalie: sorry emmett but i love jacob now
Jacob: i dont think so i will never love a bloodsucker (thinks it over) anyone but you rosalie
Rosalie: yea i thought so
Bella: NO ROSALIE YOU CANT HAVE HIM HE IS MINE!!!!!! JACOB HOW COULD YOU!!!
Edward: is that how you really feel bella cause if it is i will be fine with it
Bella: what dose it take to make you jelous(sp?) edward you know sometimes i think you dont want me to love you
Edward: if that is how you really feel
Bella: EDWARD!!!! ugh! you make me so mad sometimes
Alice and Jasper walk in
Emmett: well if i cant have rosalie then i want alice
Alice: ok emmett whatever
Jasper: fine then i get bella
Edward: *starts crying* well then ill go find mike i bet i could make him gay

its all i got now

Mike: HIIIIIIIIIIIIII EDWARDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
Edward: wtf?????????? BELLA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Bella: GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME JASPER.......... EDWARD COME BACK.........HELP
Edward: (smacks jasper... and runs really fast with bella to his house)..wat do u wnana do now?
Bella: how about was Carlisle and Esme are doing now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Edward: :affraid:

jasper follows to bellas house

Jasper: bella please forgive me but i really do love you pick me or edward
Edward: dont forget jacob
Bella: what is it with you thinking in going to pick jacob
Edward: have to give him a chance
Bella: oh i get it well isnt the choice obiovis(sp?)
Edward: yea i knew you would choose me ha in your face jasper
Bella: when did i say i picked you edward
Edward: you.....dont.......want me? *starts crying*
Bella: no edward i need a change sorry hey jasper i pick you
Jacob: B****
Bella: jasper lets go somewhere else
bella and jasper leave

Jacob: so edward.......
Edward: *reads his mind* i like it revenge on bella and jasper muhahahahahah

mike: EDWARD??? OOOOHH EDWAAAAARRRDDD...I LOOOOOOOVEE U!!!!!!!