Things that would never be said in Twilight and/or New Moon

Bella: *talking to a shrink* you're right! you're right! cuz, it wasn't just the weebles play palace, it was the weebles yacht, which had this little place for the weebles to wobble in. *tears up* and.. and... she just gave them all away!
***********

Bella: I can hear the bells.

Edward: uh...

Bella: Can't u hear em chime

Edward: no... not really
***************

Alice: why can't parents just stay parents, ya know? why do they have to become people?

Everyone: *agrees*

Bella: and to think, in a few years, we'll become them
******************

Edward: BELLA SAY WAT?????????? :affraid:
Alice: Edward? did u forget to tell me something........ cause i haven't been looking for a while
Bella: OMFG..... did i say that outloud?

Bella: Emmett, you haven't been replaced. i'm just hanging out with other... guys?
Emmett: so what am i? yester-gays news?
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Emmett: but i saved the story on that dead queen. before she went to bed she'd wrap herself up in toilet paper and raw meat. it took out all her toxins. her skin was flawless.
Edward: .. flawless?
Emmett: flawless

a bit of ugly betty-ness

Emmett: U tell anyone about this bella, i will hurt u
Bella: ok... go ahead emmett
Emmett: ok.............well
Bella: come on
Emmett: JASPER GO AWAY
Jasper: sorry i felt ur nerveousness all the way upstairs.. wanted to see the rush.... now all ifeel is love
Bella:
Emmett: JJAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSSPPPPPPPEEEEEEERRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Bella: uh.. i'm gunna.... leave

Emmett: NO BELLA! DON'T LEAVE ME!

Bella: um... i'm going to go get something to eat...

Emmett: BELLA! I LOVE YOU!

Bella: um... i think i lost my appetite...

Emmett: BELLLLLLLLLLLLLLA!

Bella: er... Ed... Ed... EDWARD!
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Alice: *holding rolls up to her ears* Maybe my savior, Edward skywalker will help me

Bella: ED- ED- EDWAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRDDDDDDDDDDDDDD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Emmett: Bella, its ok.... shhh bella... its ok
Bella: EDWWWWWWWWWWWAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRDDDDDDDDD
Edward: what's wrong, my love
Bella: Em-Em-Emmett................
Edward: wat? Emmett?
Emmett: Yes Edward?

Bella: Have any of you guys noticed how quite Alice is lately? she usuasly talks 24/7

Jasper: hey, yeah i have noticed!

>> At the Mall<<

Emmett: Alirght Alice, let me see your winnings for today

Alice: *holds up a pink man-thong*

Emmett: perfect
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Edward: mmm, hey Bella *kisses her cheek*

Bella: Hey. Why are you so happy?

Edward: welllll , since you asked. RosalieBoughtMeANewPairOfColeHaanShoes!
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Bella: ya know. i'm sick and tired of all this rain and clouds. I think we should move somewhere sunny.... like... like... Disney World! or... or... or Universal Studios!

Edward: OMFG>.. ive never been there
Bella: REALLY????????????
Edward: I WONDER Y???? maybe cause i SPARKLE....but who knows??????
Bella: wel.then...lets go find out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Edward: allrigjht... its not like i have anything better to do!!!!!!!

Emmett: *Walks in in a skirt*
Everyone: *stares*
Emmett: what? it's ok when a girl wears pants, but a guy can't wear a skirt?
Edward: uh.. Emmett, that would be considered gay

Emmett: than everything is ok.... right?
Rosalie: EMMMEEEETTTTTTTT...SHUT UP
Edward: wat the fuck is going on
Rosalie: Um... wel.... Emmett changed after he heard bella died..... and now he likes his change!
Bella: um... Emmett.... would u like to explain... cause im RIGHT HERE!!!!!!!!!!

Rosalie: OH Emmett!!

Emmett: *in a high pitched voice* here! *Walks down stairs*

Bella: well, i knew he was going to be different, but a sex change?

Rosalie: oh no... not a sex change..... he decided he would be like a girl.... but not actaully become one.... so again we are back to being gay
Edward: BUT EMMEETT....... Y?????????????????????
Bella: yeah? y?????????????????

Edward: If i become like either of my parents i'll be an alcoholic blonde, chasing after 20 year old men... or i'll end up like my mother...

Bella: WTF???? WAT DO U MEAN, LOVE?

lol i love Friends. it's the best show in the world

Emmett: you know, with that mustache u look like satan.

Jasper: i never knew u guyz were so close
Emmett: u know.... we keep in touch!!!!!!!!!

bella: *to edward*Tonight
Leave me alone I'm lonely
Alone I'm lonely
I'm tired
Leave me alone I'm lonely
Alone I'm lonely tonight

I don't wanna wake up with another
But I don't wanna always wake up with you either
No you can't hop into my shower
All I ask for is one ***kin' hour
You taste so sweet
But I can't eat the same thing every day
Cuttin off the phone
Leave me the ***k alone
Tomorrow I'll be beggin' you to come home

Edward: wat was that??
Bella: nothing
Rosalie: OMFG.... my ears
Emmett: i kinda liked it!!!!!!
Rosalie: ::slaps Emmett::

bella:OMFG im sorry didn't you guys realize i was listening to my iPod...
edward: as much as I wouldnt mind hopping intoa shower with you...*smirks*
bella:OMG EDWARD!
rosalie:*gags*
emmett:what! its not like me and you havent done that after weve hunted!

Rosalie: Emmett, somethings are better not said aloud

Edward: or thought *winces*
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Bella: u know... sometimes i wish i was blonde...
*****************************

Alice: *sigh* life sucks. i wish i could die. there's nothing worth living for

edward:you know thats a good idea I love blondes!

Bella: EDWARD! I can't get this dye out of the box!

Edward: sometimes... i wonder if i would have been better of with Tanya...

Bella; *slaps* now help me!!!!
edward: *sigh* ok...

Alice: Wait, you mean she's pregnant?
Bella: Yeah, the kind of pregnant when you have a baby.
Alice: ...Because there's another kind of pregnant?

i actually had this convo with one of my friends (she was the bella lol).

Emmett: Dude! I think i found the nude picture of Vanessa Ann Hudgens!!




sorry that just seems like such an Emmett thing to say